|Robin Wood Tarot|
I feel like I’m not handling my grief for my loss of my sister Halcyon very well. It’s only just over a month since she died, but I find myself crying an awful lot, and frequently. I am so over the stinging red eyes, the sore throat, the permanent lump, the soggy tissues and the ache in my heart. I don’t want to do this part any more.
Since the last death I had to cope with, social media has arrived and become established, and it is having a huge impact on me, one that I had not at all considered.
When one loses someone, one normally has some control over when one pokes at the raw and bloody abyss of one’s grief.
Not so on social media – you switch on in the morning with your cup of tea, to see what’s happening in the world, amongst your family and friends, and – BAM ! – you’re confronted with stuff that you are not in a position to deal with because it is so unexpected: how the hell can the first post you see on your timeline be from your sister …. seeing as how she’s dead ? How has she managed to comment on that photo ?
Oh right ....
It was in May. Or February. Or April. This year. Or last year. Or the year before that. When she was alive.
Someone else has revived it and refreshed it by commenting on it, or sharing it.
But for that blessed nano-second, your brain and reality lag behind to the time when she was still here. These unexpected emotional crashes take their toll – I am in no way hardened to losing my baby sister, often such a pain in the butt, always so cute and fun, and so I’m pondering blocking people until I can better cope: I need to re-assert that I have the right to try to choose when I am upset and when I cry.
You may remember the Ruby Shawl I made for Halcy as a late birthday present, for a ball she had been planning to attend - here is what happened to it.