The week is coming to a close. DH works away all week, in effect making me a single parent most of the time; this is not quite so bad as it might sound - we (the kids and I) have a definite routine, I can eat anti-social foods, I have total power over the TV remote, I don't shave my legs or other places (in the winter at least), I get the bed to myself (6'4'' tall and around 250 lbs takes up a LOT of space - and let's not even mention the chainsaw snoring), and really he doesn't know what I do during the week: I can be as lazy or efficient as I like, as long as by Friday things look as if I've Done Something.
The downsides to this ? I didn't get married to just see him on the weekends, the kids really miss him, he's missing out on them, and I don't eat real food during the week. An odd personal plus was that this way of living enabled me to firstly recognize some of my control issues, and then secondly, allowed me to shed them. I don't care that at the weekends, the routine is shot to hell. I don't care that nothing is where it should be. I can even live with the mess and muck all over the house. I can let it all pass by, even sometimes engage in spontaneity, and yet the sky does not fall on my head. I don't think mellowing so much comes with age, as with a different mindset.
But after a bad day and an alcohol-free cold bath of pathetic self-pity, it's like this ...
