Hear and attend and listen, O my Best Beloved: as a child, I adored (and still do) the charming 'Just So Stories' of Rudyard Kipling: the ones which explained why the Cat always walks by himself, and how the Rhinoceros got his skin, amongst other amazing evolutionary tales; they were always so much more interesting and plausible than adult biological explanations.
So following that train of thought like a dilapidated, rusty and squeaky-wheeled caboose hooked onto the Orient Express, today I present to you part of the story 'How Destructo Boy Got His Name'.
Firstly, look at this:
Nothing really unusual for a 6 1/2 year old boy in this photo of muddy, bruised legs and scuffed old trainers. Let's have a close-up of the shoes, shall we ?
These are not archeological finds from before Noah's time; these are a maximum of 6 weeks old. They have been worn almost constantly and daily since the summer holidays started 2 weeks ago, with the tongues out in front of the laces as you can see here, since that is the prevailing fashion amongst Da Boiz.
The condition of the shoes is related to the condition of this:
Once upon a time, not that long ago, O My Beloved, this was a wheel. Perfectly round and thus perfectly shaped to do its job of providing movement to a stunt scooter.
''Aaaah'' I hear you say. ''But wheels do not have straight edges, or else they would not go round smoothly, but would bumpetybump instead.''
And you would be exactly right and correct.
This particular wheel had the misfortune to belong to Destructo Boy's scooter. Destructo Boy has been making very good and frequent use of his brake, which works by pressing down on this back wheel. It has been pressed down so hard and so often that it has squared the circle.
But there is Magic even in these degenerate modern times, and thus via eBay, this was obtained:
Marvel at its perfect shiny roundness and the majesty of its purpleness !
Attend and listen ! for the tale is almost told, O Best Beloved.