Friday, 22 August 2014

A Modern Aspect of Grief

Robin Wood Tarot

I feel like I’m not handling my grief for my loss of my sister Halcyon very well. It’s only just over a month since she died, but I find myself crying an awful lot, and frequently. I am so over the stinging red eyes, the sore throat, the permanent lump, the soggy tissues and the ache in my heart. I don’t want to do this part any more.

Since the last death I had to cope with, social media has arrived and become established, and it is having a huge impact on me, one that I had not at all considered.

When one loses someone, one normally has some control over when one pokes at the raw and bloody abyss of one’s grief.

Not so on social media – you switch on in the morning with your cup of tea, to see what’s happening in the world, amongst your family and friends, and – BAM ! – you’re confronted with stuff that you are not in a position to deal with because it is so unexpected: how the hell can the first post you see on your timeline be from your sister  …. seeing as how she’s dead ? How has she managed to comment on that photo ? 

Oh right .... 

It was in May. Or February.  Or April. This year. Or last year. Or the year before that. When she was alive.

Someone else has revived it and refreshed it by commenting on it, or sharing it.

But for that blessed nano-second, your brain and reality lag behind to the time when she was still here. These unexpected emotional crashes take their toll – I am in no way hardened to losing my baby sister, often such a pain in the butt, always so cute and fun, and so I’m pondering blocking people until I can better cope: I need to re-assert that I have the right to try to choose when I am upset and when I cry.

 My middle niece is raising money for the hospice that cared for Halcyon, please sponsor her here.

You may remember the Ruby Shawl I made for Halcy as a late birthday present, for a ball she had been planning to attend - here is what happened to it.

Victorian Romantic Tarot


  1. I'm so sorry, it must be impossible to cope with stuff like that :-(


  2. Goodness, I would never have thought about the social media impact as, like you, it wasn't a part of my existence as it is now. That's kind of like an electric shock on your own sadness. The shawl is exquisite, what a beautiful gesture.

    1. MArgo, electric shock is *exactly* the right description - thank you x

  3. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I wish I could come give you a big hug!

  4. You can hide all notifications from specific people - may be that would help?

  5. I'm so very sorry for your loss. My dad died suddenly on 10 August so I am experiencing the grieving process too. Look after yourself and take one day at a time x

  6. You have every right to do what you need to sustain yourself. Block, unfollow, or scream at the moon. Just do what you need to maintain your sanity. If people don't understand, that is their problem. How lovely the gifting of the shawl. I am sure your sister had a hand in that. Her spirit knew how to guide your family to the decision.

  7. The only 'Right' way to grieve is however the person doing the grieving is doing it. You are doing it perfectly for you and for your sister. NEVER doubt this again. You are the most perfect you possible so be kind to yourself.
    Believe me, at 70+ I have years of experience and knowledge...compounded by every person I have ever known who also grieved. Just keep breathing and you are doing great.

  8. I've not yet experienced the death of someone close - your posts on what you're going through are opening my eyes to the complexity of grief. You're doing great. As agirlinwinter says above, take one day at a time - that's all I can think.


Thanks ! I love comments :-)