Monday, 7 September 2009

Le Temps Perdu

I hope you're not expecting anything Proustian in style or quality - I merely stole the title, as it seemed to suit my thoughts.

I was wondering about people who disappear from one's life. Of course,there are those with whom one has regular contact for a period of time because of work, social activities, family etc and when one's path goes a different way, some of these people fade from one's life and are generally forgotten - one's life has not been impacted by them in any meaningful way.

And then there are those who simply disappearin a big puff of blue smoke, and one never knows why. I have two such in my past - Jacqueline Bliss, my BFF in high school, and David James Angus Hockton, to whom I was engaged for a time when I was at University. Immediately these two people have something in common - they are people to whom I was very close (by definition, one hopes).

I did not attend Jacqueline's wedding owing to various other commitments, and she was less than happy about it, although she had not attended mine. Perhaps she wanted to show me how well she had done - which was never in question; she did well at University, then at law school, and was very successful in a large practice in London, where she met her husband, a successful American lawyer. She moved to Connecticut and had two children. They divorced a few years back, according to her mother. I've had no contact with Jacqueline for about 15 years, I guess. I don't know why, I don't know what grudge is being carried. I don't mind at all that she holds a grudge, but it kills me not to know what it is, at least.

My relationship with Angus, as he was known, was also somewhat complex. We dated, we split up (I don't do well with anger expressed physically) and we got back together, and got engaged .....what can I say, except I was young and not overbright. My mother was partially responsible for some of my questionable decisions, I may have followed advice more appropriate to an earlier and different age. He called one evening and told me he never wanted to see or hear from me again, and put the phone down. I still have absolutely no clue at all as to what lay behind this, as I have not spoken with him since. I believe he has been living in Australia for some while now.

Now, while most people who know me will not find it in the least surprising that some people might go to such lengths to avoid me, it seems to me to be discourteous and gutless not to tell me why. I find that on the internet, in many communities, people have no issues whatsoever with telling one one's metaphorical arse looks big in that; in real life, most people's sense of self-preservation kicks in, and discretion proves the better part of valor ....

If you've waded through this to find out what the point was - apologies, there isn't one. I don't obsess about it, but it does pop into my mind occasionally. Maybe someone out there has the answers, knows either Jacqueline or Angus, and can enlighten me - please, do.

I don't know that the Tarot has a card for a Great Big Question Mark, so this will have to do until some kind person offers me a better card :

from The Aubrey Beardsley Tarot

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